When it comes to internet dating, sometimes we forget that the most important thing is the actual date. If you’re looking for ways to make your first date as memorable as possible, here are some tips on how to flirt and how to have a perfect first date.
Before getting into this article, let’s take a moment to discuss the difference between flirting and being flirty. Flirting involves direct interaction with another person, while being flirty is more subtle. When someone is being flirtatious, they may be trying to make small talk, or complimenting you in a very indirect way. You can be flirty without necessarily wanting to get physical with someone else—it could simply be an act of making conversation easier or just to put them at ease.
Let’s start with what the word “flirt” means. Merriam-Webster defines flirt as “to behave suggestively or indecently toward (someone) so as to attract their attention.” Let’s go over a few examples of flirting:
A man approaches a woman and starts talking to her by asking personal questions. He might ask about her favorite food, where she works, or if she likes sports. These kinds of questions show interest in the woman, but not necessarily an intent to become romantically involved.
A man walks up to a woman and says something like, “Wow, I love your outfit.” This doesn’t mean he wants to date her; it is intended to make her feel good about herself.
A man gives a woman his business card, then later calls her out of the blue after several days. Again, this doesn’t mean that he wants to date her, but it shows that he’s interested in her.
This list is certainly not exhaustive, but these three examples should give you an idea of what flirting looks like from both sides.
How to flirt with strangers at a bar
Now that we know what flirting looks like, let’s look at the best places and times to do it. Most people will tell you that the best place to practice flirting with strangers is bars, since alcohol tends to loosen inhibitions. However, there are other options for those who aren’t comfortable drinking alone.
Take a class: A lot of women enjoy going to dance classes, or doing yoga. Classes tend to involve a large group of people, which allows you to meet new people easily. The instructors are usually trained to teach social skills, so you’ll also learn things like how to approach men and how to flirt with them.
Look online: There are many websites that provide help with flirting. Some of the popular ones include DateHookup.com, OkCupid, Tinder, and Bumble. Many of these sites offer free trials, so you can try before paying anything.
Go to a coffee shop: Coffee shops seem like a strange place to practice flirting, but it actually makes sense. First off, most coffee shops are quite noisy, so you won’t worry about someone hearing you. Second, it’s not uncommon for people to walk in and sit down next to you, so you’ll have a captive audience. Lastly, you’ll likely see someone you know, so it makes it easier to carry on a normal conversation.
How to flirt with friends
The last type of flirting involves interacting with friends rather than strangers. This is especially useful if you’re shy, or if you want to practice flirting without having to deal with awkwardness.
Start small: Start by telling a friend something funny, or ask them how their day went. Next time you chat with each other, bring up a topic that you find interesting. It could be a movie, or a book, or even a TV show. By starting small, it’s easier to build up the courage to continue speaking to your friend.
Ask open-ended questions: Ask your friend if they’d ever done something crazy, or if they’ve been to somewhere exciting lately. Open-ended questions allow your friend to respond freely, and if they do mention something crazy, you can always follow up with, “but you haven’t told me yet!”
You don’t need to be bold or pushy when asking questions, but you shouldn’t be afraid to talk to your friend either. This will allow you to build up the confidence to have deeper conversations, such as about politics, or current events. Also, it will help you to develop your flirting skills, so you’ll be able to use them with strangers too.
How to flirt with someone you’re interested in
If you’ve met someone you’re interested in, the next step is to use your flirting techniques to get close enough to them to ask them out on a date. Here are a few steps to follow:
Show your interest: Show your interest in the person through small gestures. For example, when you introduce yourself, smile and shake hands firmly. Don’t stare at them, but maintain eye contact. You also want to avoid staring at their clothes, or making comments about their appearance. Instead, focus on listening to them, and let them speak without interrupting.
Be confident: Confidence goes a long way. Even if you’re nervous, just remember that everyone feels nervous at first. So, if you’re nervous, just pretend that you’re not. That way, you’ll be less tempted to stutter, or to laugh inappropriately.
Keep your distance: When meeting for the first time, it’s common to want to hug or kiss the person. While this may seem natural, it’s often considered inappropriate behavior in public. Keep your distance until you’re sure that you really want to see them again.
It’s okay to be cautious, especially when flirting with someone you know well. But don’t be afraid to get closer, because you never know how far you can go until you try.